Welcome to the world of INABs.
That's interesting non-alcoholic beverages to you, and I've been compiling a list of my favourites. Also: an old school bakery that stole my heart and a discount code for Tuesday's Gluten.
When I eat at a restaurant, I always experience a brief sizzle of nerves when I’m handed the menu. It’s not about the size (nothing scares me more than an unwieldy, pan-continental menu that attempts to do too much) or the possibility of it being sharing plates (please retire sharing plates, I beg you).
No, my anxiety is centred on the drink choices. Specifically, the low to no alcohol drink choices. Because when my eyes travel down to find nothing listed but water, sugary drinks and tea, I’m disappointed. Like, really disappointed.
I’m not being harsh. By any measure, drinking is steadily declining. Better yet, being alcohol-free, teetotal, sober – call it whatever you want – is on the up. If a restaurant is forward-thinking and inclusive, it’ll know this and have acted accordingly. My sizzle of nerves settles. I can relax knowing I’m in safe hands.
I don’t drink because I don’t like being hungover. I’m not joking: I hate the state of hungoverness. It messes my mental health into scribbles. Admittedly, I also don’t like the whiney pull alcohol has on my mind. Am I drinking this weekend? How much will I drink? Should I have another drink? If I finish this drink, will it seem to soon to have another? And so on. It gets boring. So I stopped.
It’s not just me: many people are beginning to question their relationship with alcohol. They’re beginning to question society’s strange normalisation of drinking, which causes a litany of issues (sorry, but it does). Luckily, I’ve found the Netherlands to be far more self-restrained than the UK, where getting getting blotto is a national sport (one I used to excel in). It’s also miles ahead of France. When I asked a waiter in Paris what the non-alcoholic choices were, he gave a look like I had diseases. Strange that so many people will still consider you weird for not drinking. I’ll say this: if you’re uncomfortable with someone not drinking – if their choice irks you – I’d encourage you to think about why. Because it’s definitely not about the person who’s sober.
Anyway, the very exciting outcome of all this is that interesting non-alcoholic beverages, or INABs, are booming. They’ve become complex and considered, bitter and brave. They use esoteric flavours. The art of fermentation. Smoke and little sugar.
Take Choux, a five course tasting menu restaurant that’s very, very good. The food is artful without being manicured. A touch druidic, with its heavy emphasis on ripe vegetables and moody ferments. The dishes are seemingly mulched into existence, as is the wine, which is all natural (another bonus of being sober is you don’t have to drink natty wine, which tastes like feet – not sorry). Choux are big on their wine, so I was expecting the non-alcoholic choices to be rough. When I asked what my options were, they said they had a juice pairing, which raised alarm bells. Apple juice with my starter? Oof.
I couldn’t have been more wrong: the juices were mystical brews of beetroots and coffees and spices, all wonderfully blended and served with flair. Each glass was more complex than a Rubik’s Cube. I had to ask my tongue what the hell was going on. This is how you do non-alcoholic drinks: make them challenging, so you don’t guzzle them straight away like you would a Coke Zero. Alcohol has this to its advantage: an acerbic bitterness that regulates intake. But INABs are catching up.
Hats off to Bar Gui, who served me non-alcoholic drinks like they were really excited to do so. I thought they were a gift to the palette: fascinating and worldly. I’ve listed some below for you to try. I have a soft spot for Bar Gui anyway, it’s a lovely restaurant that very quickly established itself in the eating scene, a bit like the new friend who slotted into the group like they were always there. Gui’s food is a touch too sweet for me, but it’s otherwise a very enjoyable eating experience.
Caffé Pico, on the other hand, really couldn’t be bothered with its non-alcoholic choices. I drank tap water all night. Depressing, because the restaurant was truly excellent. Italian dishes were kissed together by someone who wanted to feed us. I was left feeling sheepish for not drinking, and that’s never a feeling I enjoy (also, never, ever ask someone why they’re not drinking, it’s the worse thing you can do).
But places like Pico are the exception. Overall, I’m pleased with Amsterdam’s attention to the non-drinker. This is helped by the fact that Dutch beers are fantastic. These days, a 0.5% can taste as good as something a few % points higher. I’m not a massive beer drinker, so I’d prefer to leave recommendations to others (if that’s you, drop some good ones in the comments for us).
Now that I’ve drunk a lot of INABs, here are my favourite brands:
Copenhagen Sparkling Tea. I know, I know, I’ve been banging on about sparkling tea quite a bit. But it really is an incredible invention. Tea has many of the qualities that make for a sophisticated drink: subtlety, bitterness, a capacity to differ in flavour through growing, drying and brewing techniques. It’s also healthy. When carbonated, tea produces a lovely head that your upper lip has to wade through. My favourite brand is Copenhagen Sparkling Tea. I will be drinking a whole bottle on Christmas Day and I won’t have to deal with any regret, which is a lovely thought, isn’t it?
Bôtan Distillery. I discovered this distillery through Bar Gui. I’d strongly recommend trying the Shizo, a Japanese-inspired cocktail that keeps the tongue dancing. There’s something a little raw about this drink, which may sound weird, but shiso leaf is often served with sushi, so maybe not. The other bottle I love is the Somelo Asada, a smokey, fruit-first drink made with Mexican jalapenos. It was the nearest equivalent to mezcal I’ve had.
Double Dutch. I really rate these mixers, they’re not too sweet but they hit the spot when you need a little pick me up on a night out. They have real fight to them, especially the Double Lemon, which tastes of actual lemon rind: hard and refreshing. I’ve found it works well in both summer and winter. The Ginger Ale I’d recommend for its feisty puckeriness (yes, I’m coining the word). The company is Dutch and women-owned, which I love. Can’t explain it, but I’d savour these mixers on a long haul flight to somewhere hot.
TRIP. This is a British CBD drink that’s lightly fizzed and not sugary at all. CBD is a gorgeous little relaxant and it needs better representation on restaurant menus in AMS. We are, after all, living in a city tolerant of all things THC/CBD. The only place that serves them is Soho House (I think), but you can buy them online at Hozza & Bazza – sorry, Holland & Barrett – and serve them at home with fat ice cubes in a tall, misty glass.
Botivo. A bitter that describes itself as ‘slow sipping,’ which is definitely right. It is bitter. Very herbal, too. With a sparkling water it’s great but it also works well in any cocktail you might want to mix up. I like to use it as a base component of other drinks. It’s always on our shelf, partly because the bottle looks chic next to a gleaming cocktail shaker.
The days of insipid, sugary soft drinks are over. Thank god.
A chance encounter.
Writing about food isn’t instant. You can’t sit at your desk and dream up an opinion. You need to go out and eat. Usually food that’s been recommended. Or food that’s new, or in conversation with other food, or whatever the angle is for the piece you’re writing.
But on Saturday, I simply walked past a bakery that I’d not visited before and decided to go in. As I did, the writing was instant. I was in love.
Klopper and Stolk is just south of Vondelpark. You can’t miss the sunflower-yellow of its awning. The bakery feels quite Zuid-y to me, with its faint air of New York. It’s classic and high quality. I imagine insanely rich, matriarchal grandmothers in long fur coats coming here for their pastries, but really to subtextually feud with one another on the shop floor about whose family holds most power.
The bread and pastry selections were huge, and very Dutch, which I loved. Aside from Hartog’s, I’ve not found a lot of bakeries that lean towards the very traditional. Big shame. I don’t want the ubiquity of San Fransisco-style sourdough and cortados. I want old school, too. In London, these traditional bakeries are dying out. I don’t know what the situation in Amsterdam is like, but I suspect we need to do what we can and visit places like Klopper and Stolk.
Everything I ate was spectacularly well-crafted. Whoever runs the floor knows what they’re doing. My surinaams pasteitje was a delight, providing a flick of heat in the mouth. The puff pastry was a hard shell. ‘Buttery’ gets used too much in food writing, but this really was the most buttery pastry. I could actually taste the butter. My slab of speculaas was autumn, distilled. I ate it under a tree as the leaves were falling down. What a moment.
My whole spelt loaf was denser than a neutron star. It’s been a phenomenal staple this week. I’ve had it with maasdammer (OBSESSED with maasdammer, my Dutch cheese knowledge is improving, thank you) and posh French jams and even a chicken mayo moment. It’s currently sitting next to the egg bowl, throwing me the odd coquettish glance, reminding me that sometimes food writing happens by chance.
So thank you to Klopper and thank you to Stolk. I will be coming back, a lot.
Tuesday Gluten.
There are a final few tickets for Gluten on Tuesday 8th. I’d love to see them go. So, if you’re still on the fence, use this code for 20% off a pair of tickets for Tuesday: TUESDAYSMAAK
This is only for Smaak readers. Ticket sales end in 24 hours so don’t wait.
Kusjes!
OK BYE!
Have a food-related poem being published soon... would you be interested in reading it? I’m shy with these things.x
I literally have a DM to you sitting in drafts asking for recs for what feels like this very specific thing!! It’s my my husband’s first sober birthday since he was like 12 so thank you for some options to make it a little special 😭🥹
So happy you posted this. I’m also a non-drinker, or whatever I’m supposed to call myself. Can’t wait to try all of these!